Convince Me You're Worth It
In efforts to be received, we conglomerate our identities to what everyone else expects, after all, it’s race.
Dear Universe/Soulful Space/Home/Tomorrow,
I am writing in an effort to convince you of myself. In this case, I want to assure you that I am worthy of your trust. I sincerely care about the role I play in this lifetime, and whether it’s a brief interaction at the gas station or a meeting with my co-workers, I am always trying to witness people in their complexity. Perhaps, that’s what’s made being here so hard. I am not convinced that the systems in power, are built for or by the collective. Indeed, it seems as things fall apart here in 2021, that the people are trying to remember. We are all quite literally trying to put back together what was torn apart, by the drive towards individual success and power. We now have to take these fractured stories of pain and resilience and find a way to make them fit, in hopes that if we do, we all might, alas, get to know what freedom really feels like.
You know, some people feel like, they weren’t made for this world. They don’t fit in the boxes that we are offered. Sometimes I think, most people don’t fit in those boxes, but some are better at convincing themselves, and everyone else, that they do. I never got good at that. I am trying now, to find a way to convince you that I am still worthy even though I do not fit in your box. If you give me a chance to show you how capable I am, I promise you I will surpass any expectations.
If there is one thing I have learned in my 10 years of avoiding these boxes, it is that, if I ever was to find myself in a box, it would have curtains for walls and I would have figured out a way to make my box fit for me. If you’re going to be great at something, you’ve got to be able to find your flow. We can’t swim upstream forever. Regardless of the pressure of society forcing you to comply, and fit, I am convinced there is a way to find your own rhythm. Regardless of what roles you may find yourself playing, there is a capacity for authenticity, and a choice as to how we want to show up, every day.
I wanted to convince you that I am worth taking a chance on. I don’t know how to do this, other than exemplifying to you my capacity to witness, understand, and respond. I have learned to find that wavering moment where we have the option to choose how we respond, and the more attention I bring to it, the more potential I see in every challenging moment. This sharpening of the tools of observation and discretion has proved to enable empathy and a nuanced, insightful understanding of the complexity of people and challenges.
I want to be honest because I think if more of us were honest, the world would have less to hide behind, and maybe we could start to evolve with the rest of life on this planet. Honestly, I wish I did not have to convince myself to you. It is an exhaustive process to have to explain your validity and worthiness to the world. Some of us, just have to fake it, and then we end up with a lot of power with very little understanding. It's a real mess. But what if I didn’t have to convince you that I was able and ready to take on the task, find my flow, and rise to the occasion? What if you could just know, by looking at me. What if we could actually see just how capable and worthy of recognition and belief a person is by looking at them. I think we’d have to ditch all our presumptions at the door and really witness that person as who they are emanating, as who they are in the core of their hearts. Perhaps, then we’d be able to give people a chance.
I was writing to convince you that I was ready, willing, and able to take on the lessons that are in my pamphlet, this time around. I realize now, that my efforts to convince someone else, are truly a reflection for myself. The more I know just how capable I am of growth, resilience, and support, the more you may just see that emanating from me, and perhaps then we can shift the energy that goes into convincing to be put into action. It’s not an easy road, this pathway towards authenticity and self-actualization, but I believe it to be a noble one. Perhaps it’s because I was taught that from my dad whose favorite quote these days is:
Every morning I make a plea, with god, and I ask for the awareness to know myself, so that I can forget myself, so that I can serve others.
Convinced or not, I will never stop reaching for freedom.
