The art of non-attachment
I grew up understanding that to practice not being attached was a noble and rewarding path. As the location of Saturn rounds it’s return to the place it was 29 years ago, when I was born, I am learning the nuances behind the rewards and nobility of non-attachment.
My dad always said, “relationships are like shining a magnifying glass on your personality defects.” I believe it’s accurate to say that every human reflects on one another, themselves. It is almost by default, that the nature of an interaction with another requires us to project our ideas of self and life onto this other person in order to co-exist, let alone be in a relationship with. This other person, does the same thing, and that results in a mirror-effect, where we not only project our concepts of self-hood onto this other person, but they reflect it back to us through their own experience, which is utterly subjective. This process of reflection then exposes what it looks like when someone else experiences you, so it’s like a mirror, except the reflection in the mirror is their own person and you are also a reflection in the mirror to them.
I bring up this perspective of relationships because personally, they are the pinnacle of non-attachment in my life. When I refer to relationships I am referring to any instance of a person relating or interacting with another/the world. It is when I reflect on my perspectives of non-attachment onto another that they come back and slap me in the face. There is a complexity to non-attachment that revolves around the necessary examination of individualism. There is this paradox where the very thing that serves takes away. There ought to be a great benefit from further understanding when it is one chooses to remember to practice non-attachment and when they may forget. Its about investigating how to better notice these decision points and get better at presently weighing the cost of the ripple effects of any actions taken.
It is in these small in-between moments that are often fused with emotion, desire, and the perpetual nature of forwardness, that one may find themselves unable to utilize the very skillset that one strives for when dancing with life’s greatest blows. Next, the moment escapes them and they reactively lose footing on what is of value and at what cost.
How does one learn the lesson that, amidst their deep desire to learn it, they can’t seem to recognize when it appears?
It seems as life presents itself through trials and errors, that a committed dedication to becoming present in moments of collapse, is going to be crucial to understanding this lesson. Perhaps deep breaths would help ground one in the seemingly awful nature of the moment that causes them to run from it or into it, depending on which direction we are observing from. What happens when the moment becomes suspended; a purposely placed pause on the thrust towards forwardness? What could possibly emerge from a moment that seems untouchable, as one becomes enveloped by the onslaught of emotion? Perhaps what will occur will be a shift in perspective which could indeed remove one from the “self-eating cycle” that hides them from their purpose and place them in a more conscious state, where they may see more clearly how to best navigate the seemingly choppy waters. Rather than jumping ship the minute it starts to sink, what happens if one can sit with the uncertainty of destiny and how they may play a larger part in their experience than they give agency to? More often than not it comes back to this reclamation of power and to remembering that we have the capacity to evolve through and past the harrowing and yet protective patterns we derived as a result of the experiences we hold as individuals.
Enter: the art of non-attachment.
As individuals committed to the rising frequency of all spirits caught having this human experience, let us remember those that have gone before us and respect those that will come after. Non-attachment is a beautiful practice to inhabit and can offer great peace to the subjective experience we all fall victim to. However, it needs to be handled with care and respected like any great, artisan tool-of-the-trade ought to be. To practice non-attachment, one must fully actualize their experience as subjective and shared amongst 7.8 billion others. It becomes an art when the individual engaging with the practice begins to see the whole spectrum of attachment and the intersecting lines of love and trust.
To practice non-attachment fully, we must engage holistically with the nuanced nature of people, emotions, and experience. This may look like pausing to consider the layers behind actions that seem derived from “not being attached”. It's important to reconcile the difference between “not being attached” and “being attached to not being attached.” In the moments when we lose sight of this differentiation, it often forces relationships to prioritize one person's feelings. This happens as a result of the aforementioned “self-eating cycle” that I am sure many are familiar with. By getting devoured by a commitment to letting go or moving forward, they miss the point of non-attachment. It becomes more about marching forward and letting go then fully examining the speed of departure and how it may affect those around. The point is to become impeccably present and to not allow one’s feeling of wellbeing to be influenced by anything other than that moment. However, in relationships, the foundation of consideration must be acknowledged through the process.
There is so much healing to be done through our lives as we commit to being positive lights in this world. The healing may not always feel soft or inviting, but it will happen if we lean into the pain and the uncertainty. If we can be investigative of our actions and constantly practice recentering in moments of transition, perhaps we will be able to move through this chapter…and on to the next evolutionary demand!
